Stay Amazed

I’ve been struggling to write this blog post.  What do I say about the moment I’m in right now?  It’s just plain weird.  I have 10 days left of this life I’ve created in Costa Rica.  As much as I’m so ready to be home, there’s that part of my heart that is also very sad.  I live here.  I wake up, go to school, do homework, hang out with friends, laugh with my family, cry with my roommates, and speak a different language.  I’ve learned so much about the world, myself, and God in these three short months.  I’m going back to a place where life is relatively easy.  I don’t mean to belittle life in the states, but at home I don’t walk down my street past a person sleeping in the gutter.  Beggars don’t come to my door.  I feel safe at home.  I can do things ALONE at home.  I get to eat what I want at home.  I have family and friends that understand and love me.  I have a boyfriend who has blown me away with his kindness, patience, and friendship.  Of course I want to go back to that.  But I don’t want to forget this. 

Being the contemplative that I am, I want to make some broad, sweeping statements about what this time has been.  But it’s been the combination of so many small moments that have made it so wonderful.  What have I learned?  I've learned to speak Spanish, to use public transportation, to ask questions, to wear sunscreen, what to do in an earthquake, where to carry my ID, how to stay up late on skype and get up early for class, how to hail a cab, how to save money, how to barter, how to be late for everything, how to stick out for my faith, how to do the kiss on the cheek greeting, how to make friends, how to rent movies on itunes, how to merengue (only a little), how to eat beans and rice for every meal, how to do the finger-snap que torta thing, that horn honking is friendly, to throw the toilet paper in the trash, to live in the moment, to teach a class in Spanish, and much much more. 

So here I am.  What’s my conclusion?  I think it’s that I have so much more to learn.  I’ve barely scratched the surface of seeing God’s heart for his people and his world. 

I’ve had this thought that I’m excited to come home and feel “strong” again.  But then I’m reminded that any strength I feel apart from Christ is just an illusion.  How much better to wake up every morning feeling desperate for his help.  Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who mourn, blessed are the meek, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, blessed are the merciful, blessed are the pure in heart, blessed are the peacemakers, and blessed are those who are persecuted…”  Not exactly our idea of strength and not exactly the American dream right?

Last weekend I got to climb the highest peak in Costa Rica, Cerro Chirripó… probably the coolest thing I’ve done here.  And this is what I saw at 5 am on Sunday morning. 

What a beautiful life.  What a beautiful God. 

Stay amazed :)

Giving Thanks

Blessed blessed blessed.

This is me in class on Thanksgiving...

This is the combined efforts of everyone to make a very special Thanksgiving dinner. That's my stuffing in the middle :) We all had lots of fun searching for ingredients, recipes, and ovens to make our favorite Thanksgiving foods.

These are called patacones (fried plantains). Yum.

Here's the family.

I have to admit that I was quite sad to not be with my family, but Thursday was a very blessed day. I'm looking at three more weeks in this amazing place. In a lot of ways, I feel like my mind is already at home. Conversations with friends always turn to airplanes, packing, Christmas, family, and boyfriends as we all are beginning to process the coming home idea. We're talking about what we've learned, what we've seen, what we want to take home from this. We're talking about the excitement and the nerves of reentering a life that we've left behind for 3 months. I don't know what it will be like, but I do know I'm so so thankful for this time. I'm thankful so thankful for each breath. I'm thankful that I am never alone. I'm thankful for different seasons of life and all that they bring. And I'm thankful that in three weeks I will walk down those stairs at the airport and be home with all the people I love so much. :)

Dirty Wet Smelly Chaco Feet

Chacos... they never let me down. Hiking through mud up to a volcanic crater lake, cliff jumping in La Fortuna, walking through puddles and garbage on the streets of San Jose. My feet have been places... gross huh? I used to cringe at things that are normal now. But I´ve realized that feet... and chacos... are washable. You get em dirty and then you clean em up. Analogy? Wanna go deep with that anyone?

I guess that´s how I feel about life. It´s messy. I have a friend here... eh ehm Brandon... who always says that you should do one scary thing a day. I think it´s good advice. What is life without risks and without the unknown? Sometimes your feet get dirty in the process, but the end result is so much more rewarding than staying in places of comfort and security. I don´t just mean going on adventures around the world, although I think it´s amazing and I want to do more. I mean in everyday life doing scary things. Maybe talking to that girl, maybe speaking up in class about a conviction, maybe standing out of the crowd, maybe making a choice that others will not understand. Maybe it´s just choosing to fight for joy in the midst of a difficult season. Maybe it´s taking the lead on that idea, or maybe it´s having the courage to follow. Maybe it´s giving away your money, quitting a job, doing the dishes, apologizing... Do you get my point? No one else can tell you what your scary thing is... but you know.

I want to learn how to give up control that I "think" I have in life, and place every moment in the hands of my Father, who knows much better how to handle my life than I do :)

Reality... I could have done this last couple of months much more gracefully, but maybe I prefer the messiness. Maybe the mistakes are wonderful. The moments of excitement and adrenaline, the moments of sadness, the moments I have made the right choice, and the moments I completely messed up. All of it combined makes it beautiful. I think this is why James talks about perserverence finishing it´s work in us. We have to learn to endure, to perservere, and not only that... to come to the point of counting the challenges as pure JOY!

Just some thoughts from a small girl in a big world learning how to follow Jesus :)

Have you done anything risky today or are your feet still clean?

Let me tell you how I feel about that

Vegetables:

I love them! I had the house to the house for a couple hours this weekend and I got to cook myself dinner. This is what happened.

Sporting Events:

I don't like them. I've given them so many chances. In high school I tried to be a good West High Golden Bear, and failed miserably. Then I thought college might change me, but here's what happens every time. I'm surrounded by thousands of screaming fans, which is mistake number one (never go where everyone else is). Next, I don't understand what's going on (well with football anyway). I get a perfectly good bottle of water confiscated. Then I'm dying of thirst, but I can't leave my seat because it would be impossible to squeeze back into the little space I have created and carefully guarded. Speaking of which, people won't stop touching me. And I have to stand for 5 hours. Every time I go, I'm looking for someone to leave with me around half time. Sorry I know that's all very unAmerican, but it's just how I feel.

With that in mind, let it be known that last night I took a deep breath and boarded a bus for the biggest rivalry soccer game in Costa Rica. See, here I am :)

And I have to admit it was pretty cool. These people love their soccer, and I was scared for my life the whole time. There were about 30 gringos wearing Liga jerseys in the middle of a bunch of Saprissa fans. Like we weren't enough of a target already, we had to wear the wrong color. We made it in safely, learned how to cuss in Spanish, got garbage thrown at us, and were escorted out by the police. And we were on Costa Rican TV! Yes, that just happened. (video made by my friend Amy Peterson)

Arroz con leche and panadarias:

Like. Warm pudding rice vanilla goodness. Muy muy rico. And it seriously takes all of my willpower to walk by the panadaria in my neighborhood everyday and not stop to try something new. Wish I had a picture... I can't wait to try to cook all my favorite Tico foods when I get home.

Sticking out:

Do not like. I'm tired of being stared at, whistled at, and laughed at. Some people can ignore the cultural differences, but I feel it constantly in the bus, in the market, at restaurants, on the street. I want to make myself blend in, but it's impossible. I'm learning to accept that it's okay. I'm learning to value my own culture as well as this new one, but it's hard to reconcile in my mind how different my reality is from other people's and to be okay with that.

Mountains:

There are no words. Last weekend we visited a nearby volcano, and I cannot describe the feeling of breathing in fresh air, seeing open land, laying on grass. I'm a mountain girl in my heart. That's all there is to it.

Facebook:

Facebook is my only communication here, not only with lots of people at home, but also with my friends here because we don't have phones. This leads to some pretty long, entertaining group messages. As thankful as I am for technology, I'm very tired of that blue and white screen. And yet, every time I open my computer, I find myself going there. And then I'm annoyed so I leave the page... only to get back on minutes later. Does anyone else have that problem?

Hot dogs for breakfast:

Need I say anything more?

Thanksgiving without my family:

:(

Here are a couple scriptures that I have been running to this week:

Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenent, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:4-6

Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, "He yearns jealously over the Spirit that he has made to dwell in us." James 4:5

As I've battled against my flesh this week these words have been striking. I want so badly to think about me, what I want, how I feel, and where I'm going. But Jesus wants me to look at him, wait on him, and serve him here. So please pray for me to do that well!

Over the Hump

Halfway.

Wow.

Sometimes I realize where I live.

San Jose, Costa Rica. Latin America.

It's hard.

It's good.

Oh my goodness it's halfway over!


Humbling Experience # 567:

My roommate and I have been searching this city for volunteer opportunities since we got here, and it turns out it's pretty hard. Most places either want you to pay or want you to stay longer. Well, we met this lady who talked to some public elementary schools here. We had a meeting with a principal on Friday, and it was a crazy experience from the minute we stepped in the door. The first principal sent us to another school because we could only volunteer in the afternoon. We found the second school, got let in (everything is gated), walked in the office, and were hired on the spot. The principal told us we could teach English, introduced us to a teacher, and took us to a fourth grade classroom. Let me try to describe the school... NOISE. So much noise and disorganization. It's a big square concrete building in the middle of downtown. In the middle is an open area were the boys were playing futbol and where the students "go" for recess. There are three stories of classrooms surrounding the open area. We were instantly surrounded by a crowd of girls who wanted to show us the school, speak really fast in Spanish, and tell us their really difficult names. The bell rang, and the students rushed into the classroom (which was desks, a whiteboard, and four concrete walls). The teacher told us to introduce outselves, and then she left...

And she didn't come back...

For and hour and a half.

And there were 35ish fourth graders speaking Spanish.

And these are not easy, well-behaved children.

Oh no, these are kids who Lord knows what kind of families they have, what kind of conditions they live in, what they eat for dinner. These are name-calling, spitball throwing, get up in your grill little fourth grade Jose, Carlos, and Maria.

And did I mention they don't speak any English?

So we taught them. We taught them family words and played some games. I used my teacher voice :)

And we're going back every Monday and Wednesday! I'm excited for this challenge. Let me explain a little about the schools. Although Costa Rica boasts about it's education system because it has always been a step ahead of the rest of Latin America, it is far from perfect. There is a huge gap between private and public education, and obviously only the people with money can send their children to private school. Public schools are underfunded and under-resourced, and three out of ten students will drop out of high school for various reasons, but usually to work to earn money for their family. The students are supposed to learn English but don't because most of the teachers don't know it at all. So... we'll see if we can't get a few important words in their brains in the next few weeks ;)


Humbling Experience # 568:

The other day I was talking to a friend on Skype about life and some of the struggles I'm facing here. There might have been some tears involved in this conversation. Then I went downstairs to eat dinner, and our domestica (maid), came down. She is new and I hadn't talked to her very much yet. She sat down at the table with me and asked if I was sad. I told her I was missing home and my family, and she was so kind. Then I started asking her about herself. She is here from Nicaragua to work and make money for her family because there is no work in Nicaragua. I asked her about her family. She has an 8 year old daughter...

who she doesn't get to see untill May because she can't afford to go home on the weekends (which is about 5 hours away via an $8.00 bus).

And she misses her daughter.

And she's here cleaning my bathroom and making my bed.

And this is the story of millions.

And I walk around like I somehow deserve the life that I have.

Clash.



A couple movie recommendations that I've seen here that will make you think:

Sin Nombre (a story that shows the gang problems (The Maras) in Central America

In the Time of the Butterfiles (tells the story of the Mirabal sisters, who worked in an underground movement against Trujillo in the Dominican Republic)

Taste and See that the Lord is Good

Died and went to fruit heaven. Oh my goodness. Frutas y verduras como no ya he visto en mi vida. Sorry... okay English. This morning my Papa Tica... aquí...

... took us to the Feria (farmer's market). It made my heart sing a little bit, and I wish a couple people, namely my mom, sister and dear friend Kayla Powell, could have been there. They would have loved it. It's probably an experience best described with pictures.

I made out pretty well with some guayabana juice, carrots, mangos, and a new shirt.

Story time: Last night I was having a major homesick moment. They happen. I do love it here, but I'm at the point where I really wouldn't mind hopping on a plane, sleeping in my bed, eating steak and potatoes, and getting those long-awaited hugs. But last night I read in Psalm 34 verse 8 which says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!" That verse resounded in my heart, and then it came to life. It started with a mom hug from a wonderful lady named Flori who we went to church with and has kind of taken me in. I had invited her daughter, Montserrat, to hang out with me and my friends. And yes, that means I have a Tica friend! She is so wonderful. Then the Lord rocked my world with his Spirit displayed through children pouring their hearts at a talent show for a Christian organization that helps get kids off the street. Follow that up with some pizza, and there's one good night. Finally today, the fruit market and spending the afternoon with my Tica sister, Stefani.

We went to a museum, shopping, and ate some McDonald's (she loves it, and well every once in awhile I enjoy a few greasy papas). I got to speak a lot of Spanish the last couple of days and experience the city with my family, and I'm quite content. Literally, I've tasted and seen... and felt and heard and enjoyed the goodness of the Lord this weekend.

You know you're traveling in Latin America when...

The road looks like this

And the ferry looks like this

The words poop, constipation... etcetera are a part of normal conversational vocabulary.

Sorry just had to...

You’re trying to figure out how to pay for a meal for 8 people with a combination of colones, cordobas, and dollars.


You know you’re traveling cheap when…

You walk into the hostel and say, “Wow, this is really nice.” Then you look around again and laugh at how your standards have changed.

A cold shower outside feels like heaven after hike in crazy humidity.

You’re the only gringos on the bus.

You don't sleep because your room is a mosquito and gecko infested sauna.

A clif bar and a bag of beans are your most treasured possessions.


You realize how incredibly blessed you are when…

You’re swimming in Lake Nicaragua at sunset.

You get to see fireflies for the first time!

You’re hiking up a volcano to a 500-foot waterfall.

This is what you see at 5:30 in the morning.

Magdalena, who you just met on the bus, offers you a mint to help settle a very queasy stomach.

You're laughing your head off playing telephone pictionary and charades with great new friends.

You reach that moment after everyone has talked and laughed and maybe cried, and all the sudden there is silence as each person looks out the window, lost in their own thoughts and prayers.

And one more pic because I like it...

So yeah, basically I had an amazing, blessed weekend. We were on the Isla de Ometepe, the island in the middle of Lake Nicaragua.

That's all for now. Bozeman family, I really miss you just so you know :)